In my current process of finding my way through this bout of depression, finding my new home and new way of life, I’ve been really conscious of how this round of challenges in my (and others) mental state, emotional waves, and sociological situations are so interwoven and beautifully handled by grace.
I have a story I accepted long ago that if I share my struggles, trials and real emotions with anyone in attempt for support, care, bonding/connection, love and understanding, then my intentions will be ignored, warped or misunderstood and I will receive pity, blame, shut down, punished, invalidated, competition, or assumption that I’m only speaking to get attention. This story is steadily getting dismantled and slowly shifting toward clarity, human connection potential, understanding of myself and the human condition of emotions, social bonding, personal growth and healing, and how the material and physical world intersects with it all. Along with this story of avoiding speaking my truth comes the battle with accepting humans are emotional creatures. Other animals are emotional, too. But we are so expressive, intense to drowning or being lost within, and we fight so hard to either not feel at all or hold on tight to what we do feel.
Maybe it’s all part of finding the balance between feeling What Is and not attach Self to that feeling or What Is. When I’ve heard this balance discussed, it quickly goes into a debate around homeostasis; I don’t believe this search for balance has to do with a desire for any static base of home (literally stable equilibrium between separate elements), rather that the balance is continuous movement along a gradient. That gradient is not absolutely on a single plane or even two dimensional plane; I think the balance of feeling What Is and not attach Self to What is or the feeling is multi-dimensional and highly dependent on the being(s) involved in that search for balance. For myself, balance changes depending on if it’s regarding relationship with another being (taking into account what they and I bring to the table and want from and for each other), regarding the work and daily life I do (what I want, need, offer and sense is good for my success path), regarding the roots and home I create, nurture and develop (same as work and life, but on a deeper, rooted, self-power level), regarding where and how my intellect and spirit are progressing or growing (think existentially and soul plane and path level), and in so many other ways I don’t have words for right now…
And this balance is different for another person, which is the miracle and amazing beauty of being human. We are so much alike, so many common threads we notice and put labels on, title it to make it understandable, and yet we are each so incredibly different. And we embody the law that change is the only known constant, nothing is permanent. Thank The Universe, everything is temporary.